Published by Cel Manero from Global One Media, Inc.
“I find myself grappling with heartache once more,” the artist conveyed in a message sent to her newsletter recipients, further stating that she experiences constant anguish.”
Lorde has conveyed her experience of “navigating heartbreak once more” in an emotionally charged newsletter addressed to her dedicated fan base.
In this heartfelt letter, which she recently shared, the 26-year-old singer provided an update on her well-being and subtly alluded to a potential separation from her speculated partner, Justin Warren.
Lorde admitted at the outset of her candid message that she had previously drafted another version but had not been entirely forthcoming in it. Instead, she opted to write without hesitation and convey her unfiltered thoughts.
In her latest iteration of the letter, she began by sharing that she has been residing in London since May, expressing a growing yearning for her loved ones, likening it to a vital missing component in her life. She also disclosed her imminent plans to return to New York, followed by her ultimate return “home.”
The artist then confided, “I’m grappling with heartbreak once again,” revealing the emotional turmoil she’s currently navigating. This poignant newsletter, titled “how I’ve been, revised,” delves into her enduring emotional pain. She candidly expressed, “It’s a distinct yet familiar experience. I find myself in a perpetual state of longing, sometimes forgetting the reason behind it only to remember later. I’m learning not to evade this pain; I now comprehend that it’s not something to shy away from. In fact, there’s profound beauty in embracing it. But there are moments when I grow weary of my own company.”
She went on to elaborate, sharing, “I resort to chocolate in an attempt to coax my endorphins, yearning to recapture the blissful happiness of an Easter morning. I find myself sitting in a figurative time machine, eagerly awaiting its activation, even though it has not yet been invented.”
Lorde, whose birth name is Ella Yelich-O’Connor, has been associated with Justin Warren, an American promotions director at Universal Music, in romantic speculations for a number of years. However, neither of them has officially confirmed their relationship in public.
The singer known for “Green Light” then proceeded to share her ongoing health challenges within her newsletter, revealing that her body is currently experiencing significant inflammation.
“It’s as though my body is attempting to communicate something to me, and I’m doing my best to provide it with support, yet nothing appears to alleviate the discomfort,” she openly admitted.
Lorde continued to explain, “My digestive system isn’t functioning properly, my skin has deteriorated to a point worse than ever before, and I’ve fallen ill on multiple occasions. Earlier this year, I came to the realization that listening to my body is a considerable challenge for me, something I never truly grasped. I’ve been striving to cultivate this skill throughout this year, but it’s proven to be quite arduous. It’s a confrontational process that has made me acutely aware of the numerous instances when I disregarded my body’s signals or failed to provide it with the care it required. There were times when I berated it for its fight-or-flight responses, relied on a handful of pills, and pushed through without heeding its needs.”
She also disclosed that she has discontinued the use of a particular “pill,” remarking, “The small yellow pill I faithfully took every morning for thousands of mornings since I was 15, I ceased taking it five days ago. I’ll observe how things progress.”
Lorde further opened up about her online experiences, noting, “I venture onto the internet and observe everyone,” while later expressing, “Everyone seems exceedingly slender. Even contemplating it makes me feel fatigued and distant. I’m uncertain if it’s affecting anyone else in the same way.”
She then unveiled that she has canceled her previously laid out “grand plans” to attend Paris Fashion Week, which is set to commence next week. She explained, “This week, I reached out to my manager and withdrew my commitment. From the outset of my career, I made a vow to myself that I would never pretend to be someone I’m not, smiling under the spotlight if it didn’t genuinely resonate.”
Elsewhere in her letter, Lorde shared an experience of consuming “two handfuls of mushrooms” earlier this year and reflected that during this episode, she realized “the absolute magnificence of my body” and acknowledged that despising it is as futile as despising a tree. She expressed a profound appreciation for her profession, describing her life as a beautiful tapestry where every facet holds significance.
She also expressed confidence that she will look back on this year with fondness and a sense of wonder, recognizing it as the year that solidified her transition from her formative decade of work into the one that lies ahead—an exciting prospect despite the current challenges. She candidly acknowledged that being in the midst of it all is a trying experience, mentioning that she embarked on a brief European festival tour while in this state.
After sharing her tour dates and discussing the books, art, culture, and music she’s been engaging with recently, the singer concluded her letter by offering reassurance to her fans. She wrote, “I hope you’re taking good care of yourself. Please don’t worry about me; I still find reasons to laugh every day. Life is continuously in motion, even when it seems to be moving slowly. I’ve embraced this mission — the journey to rediscover myself. We’ll talk soon, E X X X X X.”
It’s worth noting that a representative for Lorde did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.
In the previous month, Lorde had performed at several venues in Europe, including the All Together Now Festival in Ireland, Øya Festival in Norway, and Boardmasters Festival in the U.K.
Additionally, she reemerged on her main Instagram grid after more than two years following her performance in Norway. Addressing her 10.7 million followers, she hinted at forthcoming developments, stating, “There’s so much to tell you.”
On August 10, she shared a post featuring a photo shoot of herself in a swimming pool and wrote, “After the show we went swimming… these moments are both beautiful and disconcerting, and there’s a lot I want to share with you. This isn’t the beginning of something big out there; I just want you to know that there’s a light burning inside me… I’ll reveal it to you soon.”
This post arrived approximately six months after Lorde had teased the release of her fourth album in an interview with New Zealand’s Ensemble. During the interview in February, she expressed her excitement about the upcoming project and her desire to expedite its release. She stated, “It’s been super exciting, and I feel thrilled about what’s on the horizon. For this one, I’m genuinely trying to move quickly. I don’t want to wait, you know, so interpret that as you will.”